Every year around this time, people make ridiculously bold predictions for the year ahead. In the past, I’ve sat by and watched, wondering how people can be so full of conviction and so full of shit at the same time.
However, this year you don’t have to worry about that because I’ve compiled a definitive and completely genuine list of the five biggest things you can expect to happen in 2025. And remember, you heard it here first.
1. Haircuts
On 20 January, Donald Trump is inaugurated as the 47th president of the United States of America.
Then, while scrolling through old tweets, the big fella comes across a story from 2014, where various news outlets reported that North Korea had made a law requiring all men and boys to have their hair styled in the same way as Kim Jong Un.
Quite taken by the idea, Trump introduces a similar law in the USA, ostensibly as a way to boost patriotism, unite the country, and help make it great again. Subsequently, all American males are soon sporting brilliant Trump-style combovers.
An entrepreneur spots the need for hair products that will better cater to this particular hairstyle and appears on the TV show, Shark Tank, spruiking his new range of haircare products called ‘Hairforce One’. The entrepreneur gets the finance he’s seeking, and Hairforce One goes on to become the fastest-growing FMCG product of all time.
2. Facts on the riviera
Following Zuckerberg’s decision to remove fact checking from Meta, lots of fact checkers find themselves without a job. A few manage to find work on TV quiz shows like The Chase, however most are employed by the Cannes Advertising Festival to check the claims made by ad agencies in the case studies they submit.
Don’t say you weren’t warned.
3. Virtual dining
Seemingly inspired by everyone’s willingness to outsource their thinking to A.I., the wellness industry jumps on board with a new weight-loss treatment. In a similar way to thinking for people, this new product saves people from actually eating. Instead, it simply describes to the user what the food tastes like so they can enjoy the food vicariously, without the calories.
Due to its success, many people are bombarded with telemarketing efforts from competing A.I. dining products, each proclaiming that their descriptions and adjectives are more delicious than others.
Uber Eats even gets in on the act, after realising that it’s quicker and cheaper to send customers an email that describes the meal, rather than have tangible food delivered.
4. True 1-to-1 advertising
As people can no longer believe that what they see on a screen is real, there is a move by advertisers to introduce a new 1-to-1 model to convey their clients’ messages. It involves hiring real people to visit the homes of the intended target audience to deliver an in-person spiel about a product or service.
Of course, they try and portray it as “a new, proprietary” offering and employ designers to create a great-looking slide to represent this in their credentials decks. However, in reality, it seems they just dusted off the old playbook used decades earlier by door-to-door vacuum salesmen and Mormons.
5. Red planet reality
With the objective of creating energy for electrical cars, an unnamed billionaire begins to build his version of The Matrix on Mars. Thousands of influencers sign up to be part of it, reasoning that their life has become such a manicured, fake veneer, this is the logical next step. It’s intended to be a real-life mashup of The Truman Show, Ready Player One, and Fahrenheit 451.
Of course, in the meantime, if you’d like to keep things real and do some good, no-nonsense work, contact dustinlanecreative.com
DUSTIN LANE
Brand Strategy | Creative Concepts | Copywriting
risinggiants.co
dingosbreakfast.com 